Having been part of a JW community you’re most likely imprinted with the idea ‘the outside world is not to be trusted’. Now, as you leave (or have left) the JW community and start second guessing everything you’ve been told while being part of it, you might find yourself wondering: is anyone to be trusted? Is everyone just trying to manipulate you? Are others corrupted, possibly even without knowing it? This type of feeling may lead to paranoia and makes it harder to bond with people and expand your community.

One way of tackling this is by acknowledging your feelings and even voicing any doubts you may have. Opening up is scary, but it’s also the path to healing, discovering that the world is full of all kinds of people and developing sense of whom you can trust and build amazing bonds with.

People tend to spend as much as they get. A student may get by with only $500 a month, but once this same student gets their first job the spending goes up and suddenly they find themselves spending $2000 a month. It’s the same with time. We’re used to stuffing as much as we can into the 24 hours we get. Sleep, work, chores, relaxation. Being part of the JW community you also spend hours and hours on practicing the religion. Bible study. Preaching. Attending events. Then, as you leave, suddenly: free time.

Having too much free time may be as exhausting as having too little, especially if you’re struggling with finding a purpose. You sit on the couch wondering what to do next. You may even subconsciously sabotage your own life, giving you problems to solve and new tasks to invest your time in. And since we’re not used to boredom you may find yourself suddenly spending days browsing Instagram or binge watching Netflix.

Now there’s nothing wrong with Instagram or Netflix, as long as you’re not using them to fill up a void. If you think this might be exactly what you’re doing, you may want to consider a different approach. Pick up new hobbies or learn new skills. How about carpenting, photography, or learning a new language? Initially you may find yourself wondering about the point of it all, the activities feeling shallow and empty. Allow yourself to try them out anyway and discover what makes you feel energized. Taking care of how you feel will help you navigate your post-JW life in the best possible way.

What happens when you’ve been told you’re not allowed to do certain things your entire life and suddenly you’re off the leash? It’s easy to forget yourself and dive in all the new possibilities head first. It’s like stopping with a diet and stuffing yourself with donuts. Like finally being able to drink legally and blacking out from all the beer.

Once you free yourself from the constraints of JW you may discover many things you weren’t allowed to try before, ranging from sexual experimentation to trying out substances and following your desires wherever they may lead you.

Experimentation is only natural and it’s great you finally have the ability to explore. Don’t forget you have the rest of your life to do it. You don’t have to try everything at once. You can take things slowly and be both adventurous and responsible towards yourself and others. As the newness wears off you’ll discover which new experiences will become a bigger part of your life and which ones were a one time thing. Treat yourself as you would a teenager: allow yourself to play around with your freedom, but try to do so in a safe way.

Depending on the amount of time you spent with JW you may discover lots of regrets. Maybe you put religion before education and with you’d gotten that degree in mathematics. Maybe you got married with your first girlfriend (or boyfriend) and didn’t get to explore your sexuality. Maybe you stayed in your community rather than traveling and really exploring the world. 

You might struggle with traumas, too. Maybe you were born in an abusive family and child protection never got involved. Maybe you experienced sexual abuse. Maybe there were instances of humiliation and power disbalance. Maybe you had to repress your sexuality.

All these experiences can leave scars and make you grow resentful. You may feel like a big chunk of your life has been taken away from you. And whatever feelings arise from this – they are valid, all of them.

Unfortunately, there is no way to turn back time and change your past. It’s here to stay. And it’s up to you to decide how to move forward. You may want to focus on the lessons you’ve learned while with the JW and build from there. You may make new choices going forward. If you’re still alive, it’s not too late to change your life around. If you feel like you’re drowning in the past, it’s also a great idea to seek therapy. A therapist can help you make sense of your past and craft a plan for the future.

Right up there with the feelings of regret are the feelings of self-blame. “I should have left sooner”. “I brought this onto myself”. “How could I have been so blind?”

The truth is that what seems so obvious now may not seem obvious when you’re surrounded by people who all think in a certain way. If you never got to consider alternatives to your belief, if you’ve always been told others are not to be trusted – how could you know better? And even if you did – it’s a big leap to actually leave everything behind and choose a new life. 

You’re human. Be compassionate towards yourself: you did the best you knew how to do. You deserve a high five for eventually having the courage to say goodbye to the path you were on. And a big hug for making it through. You’re not to blame for your past. Instead, pour your energy into building a better future.

So you decided to leave. Whether it’s official and you’re excommunicated or you’re keeping a low profile and simply stopped going to gatherings – you may still see people you know from the time you were part of the JW community. Maybe it’s one of your parents trying to make you see reason. An old friend telling you they’ll pray for you. Running into people you know who suddenly look the other way and pretend they don’t know you. Or just someone you’ve seen around, throwing you a look of pity or disapproval when you bump into each other at the supermarket.

Dealing with these people can bring up a lot of emotions: sadness from losing close friends or family, frustration at their inability to see things your way, pain from being confronted with your past over and over again.

It hurts to go separate ways with those you care about and feel their judgement. Try to define for yourself what you need from your social contacts to stay sane and happy. Define your boundaries. You can’t change others and they can’t change you. But you finally have the freedom to keep your distance to the community you left. Don’t feel guilty for doing so. Self-care is important and you can only manage patience and compassion for those you’ve left behind once you’ve built up your life and confidence. We really hope this page helps you do just that.